


Road Trip to Remember

by mirjegan



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Amy is a dork, Disney World & Disneyland, F/M, Harry Potter References, Road Trips, so much tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-03 01:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4080682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirjegan/pseuds/mirjegan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake and Amy take a road trip. Post season two finale</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally my first ever fan fiction, so I am a little nervous. Also, this is going to be multi chapter, so updates will happen! thanks for reading :)

Of course the first assignment her new captain gave her was a road trip all the way to Los Angeles. 4 days there, 4 long days back, because the perp she needed to pick up wasn’t cleared to fly, even if he had a cop with him.

Of course the captain mandated her partner go with her.

This was how Amy found herself 3 hours into a long drive with Jake Peralta, and neither of them had said a word to each other.

With all the change going on in the precinct, they hadn’t had the opportunity to talk about what had happened in the evidence lockup. Even if they had, Amy wasn’t sure what she wanted to say, and she was even less sure what she wanted to hear.

Jake had his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him, both hands locked on the wheel, which was a dead giveaway that he felt the tension as much as she did. Amy had only ever seen Jake with one hand on the steering wheel, nonchalant as ever. But this was different. She opted to lean her head against the window and close her eyes instead of dealing with the problem. Maybe if she pretended this wasn’t happening, she would wake up in her bed with her cat.

She drifted off, and woke up two hours later to Jake singing along softly to whatever classic rock song was on the radio.

“Good afternoon,” he murmured, glancing briefly over at her. She tried not to be hurt at his lack of smile.

“Afternoon,” she replied, stretching her limbs to get some feeling back in them. “Did I miss anything exciting?”

“Charles called, and the captain.”

“What did the captain say?” Amy had barely had enough time to form an opinion of her new chief before she had been sent off, and was eager to hear more about him.

“Boring stuff. He was sorry he sent us off so soon after arriving, but it had to be done, and he looks forward to getting to know us once we come back.”

“Great. And Charles?”

Jakes brows pulled together, and he bit the inside of his lip in a way Amy had only ever seen him do a couple times before. It meant he was either nervous, or hiding something.

“Nothing at all. Just Charles being Charles.”

She decided to let him keep his secret, and pulled a beat-up book out of her bag. Once Holt had left, she decided to reread Harry Potter to make herself feel better. However, work had been hectic, and even though Amy was a very fast reader, she was still only on the first book. She made it through a chapter before she noticed that Jake kept looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She snapped the book shut, sighing internally, and prepared herself for the conversation they were about to have.

“What?” she said pointedly, turning her whole body to look at him.

“I’ve never read that book before. I’ve always wanted to. I just never had time.”

Amy was taken aback. This was not what she expected him to say. She was also surprised by Jake’s interest in a children’s series.

“Could you read it to me?”

This was new.

She stared at him for a few more seconds before opening to book to the first page and started to read. She went on for hours. As she read, a smile broke slowly across his face. He cheered quietly when Harry won his internal battle with the Sorting Hat and was sorted into Gryffindor. He was tapping the steering wheel to some beat playing in his head, reveling in the new universe presented to him. It was excruciatingly endearing. When she finally stopped to have a drink of water, he turned to her, beaming, and proclaimed, “This is awesome!”

She smiled despite herself, nodding. “It’s my favorite. It always makes me feel better when I’m down. And I really identify with Hermione.”

His mouth curved downwards slightly.

“It makes you feel better? So why are you reading it now then?” His drumming on the steering wheel had stopped, and she felt a sudden wave of nervousness rush over her.

“Well, you know. So much change, especially with Holt leaving. I just needed something to seem normal for a little bit while I got adjusted.”

He nodded understandingly, though his eyebrows were knotted together again. He sat in silence for a few minutes.

“This isn’t about me, is it?”

He was always so good at being a grown-up about his feelings, and talking through them. He was upfront with her, and she loved it. It made everything much more straightforward. But right now, with seven and a half more days ahead of them, Amy didn’t want to deal with it.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” He looked apprehensive. She was struck with the urge to get him to pull the car over, climb in to his lap and kiss the frown right off his face.

“Yes, Jake. I kind of don’t want to deal with this right now, but don’t worry, it won’t interfere with our work relationship.”

He was biting his lip again. Nodding, he focused back on the road, and said “That’s good.”

He didn’t sound convinced.

Amy leaned her head against the window again, reeling. She had to get these ideas out of her head. A working relationship can’t remain a working relationship when one member is fantasizing about the other. Her stomach grumbled, loudly and unexpectedly. She looked at the clock, starting.

“Jake, it’s 8 o’clock! We never even had lunch, much less dinner.” She’d been so preoccupied with the tension in the car that she hadn’t even noticed. In response, he handed her a half eaten package of licorice.

“What is this?”

“Food.”

“Jake, this is not real food. Can we find a rest stop?”

“Licorice is 100% real food!”

She glared at him, hoping she actually looked intimidating.

“Rest stop. Or restaurant. Whichever comes first.”

He sighed, shifted into the right lane and said “Yes dear.”

She punched him, hard, in the right shoulder, and he grinned at her. He got off the highway into a small town, and drove around for bit till he found a diner. Turning the car off, he turned to her, eyebrows raised.

“Yes, this is fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this written way sooner than I thought I would, so here it is! Chapter two. All kinds of tension going on. I hope you like it!

The diner was a cute little place, with classic décor. Amy loved it immediately. A young hostess seated them and got them coffees and a menu, which Jake immediately grabbed.

“See?” Amy smirked. “I knew you couldn’t live off of candy.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, as if rising to a challenge. “I can absolutely live off of candy. But while we’re here, I might as well see if their pizza holds up to Brooklyn pizza.”

“You came all this way and you’re in an adorable diner, and you’re going with pizza?”

“There is no better food than pizza, Amy.”

Amy rolled her eyes and snatched the menu from him. They had the classic burger and fries option, as well as fish and chips, but her eyes caught on the club sandwich. She continued to peruse, noted with a faint vindictive joy that there was no pizza, and lowered the menu to find that their waitress had arrived. She was an older lady, with slightly graying hair, and had slid in next to Jake and was making small talk. Amy tuned in just after Jake said they were from New York.

“You guys are quite the ways from home then? What are you up to, just having an escape from everything?” She nudged Jake playfully, and he seemed uncomfortable. Amy felt like she was insinuating something, but couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was.

“This is actually work stuff,” Jake replied, edging gently away from the waitress.

“Oh, of course, take every opportunity you can get, right? What can I get you dears?”

Jake settled for a burger, and Amy got her sandwich. She also splurged on a milkshake, because this was kind of like a mini vacation, even if she did still have Jake with her.

As the waitress sauntered off to input their order, Jake cleared his throat and looked up at her.

“So how did you get in to Harry Potter?”

“I don’t know, I just picked it up one day. Children’s and teen lit is always great, even for adults. Also, my niece got me to read it to her. We’re super close.”

“That is so cute.”

“Yeah, she was seven at the time. She’s like thirteen now and still needs me to be with her to watch all the movies.”

He smiled, lacing his fingers together. She caught that glimmer in his eye that he had whenever they were getting too close. When things got a bit heated. She quickly faked a coughing fit to put an end to the sudden closeness that they felt, and he handed her a napkin.

The waitress chose this moment to come back with some garlic bread.

“We didn’t order this,” Jake uttered hesitantly.

“Oh I know, but I just couldn’t resist. I love cuties such as you two.”

She laid the plate down, beamed brightly and then left again. Amy made a confused face, but took a piece anyways.

“Ooooookkaaaaaaaayyyyy, that was weird,” Jake muttered.

“Yeah, seriously. What is up with her?” Amy mumbled around the garlic bread. “It’s some good stuff though, have some.”

He took a piece, smiling gently. The spark in his eye had dimmed a bit, which made Amy breathe a bit easier.

They made small talk until the overbearing waitress came back. Amy looked up at her nametag to read the name ‘Ethyl’, which made sense. Similar to her own overly interested grandmother. She came bearing their actual meals, though thankfully she said nothing this time. She still had that almost exaggerated smile on her face, however, and Amy still felt like Ethyl knew something she didn’t.

The club sandwich was only mediocre, but Amy didn’t expect much different. The milkshake, however, was chocolately heaven. She got so into it that Jake laughed at her, poking fun at the face she was making.

“Don’t make fun of me. This is amazing.” She pushed the glass over to him and he took a sip. She could almost see him melt into the table.

“That is the best damn milkshake I have ever had.”

She pulled the glass back, smirking. “I know right? Why does this not exist in New York?”

Ethyl came along and whisked away their plates as Jake grabbed the milkshake back. She came back and slid in next to Jake again. Amy felt her annoyance at the lady become tangible, and was ready to bitingly ask for the check, but Ethyl beat her to the punch.

“So how long have you two been together?”

Suddenly the easy camaraderie that Jake and Amy had shared over dinner dissolved into a heavy silence. Jake went a bit red about the ears, and Amy hid her face in her hands. This wasn’t happening. This could not be happening. They had just hit a good place.

“Uhh…we aren’t together. We’re work colleagues. Police detectives, actually. But we are 100% not together in like a romantic way. Nope. No way.”

This time Ethyl was the one who sat in silence. Her unfaltering smile finally fell, and she got up quickly, pulling the tablecloth with her.

“I am sorry. I didn’t, didn’t realize. I thought…you looked so natural with each other…I’m sorry, I’ll be right back with the check.”

Amy couldn’t even look at Jake. She let her hair swing in front of her face, wringing her hands beneath the table. Jake took the check and paid for it on the precinct’s credit card. They left in an awkward silence. Jake drove down the highway for another 3 hours, and then asked her is she wanted to stop for the night. She agreed, and he pulled off the highway into a hotel.

Amy went in to get rooms while Jake parked the car. She made sure to get two separate rooms. There was too much tension going on, and she did not want to make that any worse than it already was.

She went out and got her bag from the trunk of the car. Jake was sitting in the front seat with his head against the steering wheel. She stood for a moment, watching him, but he just wrapped his arms around his head, sinking farther into his seat. She walked forward and rapped gently on his window. He started, hitting his head against the ceiling. She grimaced her apologies through the window, and he got up to join her.

They walked up a couple flights of stairs, then reached the separate doors for the two of them. She handed him his key, and then headed wordlessly to her own door.

“Amy?”

She froze momentarily, and then turned to face him. He was biting his lip, hard. She cocked her head at him inquisitively, waiting for him to say something.

“I just wanted to say… I’m sorry for everything being stupid. And I just…” He took a few steps towards her, and all the impossible scenarios began running through Amy’s head. Him kissing her against the door. Her pulling him inside. Waking up lying on his chest.

Instead, he just wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She could feel the tension in his shoulders until she responded, letting her head fall on to his chest, and then he relaxed.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, still hugging her.

She gently stepped away from him, drawing back towards her room.

“Goodnight Jake.”

He smiled, almost sadly.

“Goodnight Amy.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my favourite chapter to write so far. Cuteness ensues :) Also, thank you for all your kudos and comments! It really keeps me going.

The journey continued the next day without a hiccup. They met for breakfast in the morning and he smiled at her just as he usually did every morning. Neither of them said anything about the tender moment they had shared the night before, and Amy preferred it that way. Maybe one day they would talk about what was happening between them, but it would be when she had somewhere to run away to.

Jake wasted no time in getting her to continue reading to him. She secretly loved it, even if it wore her voice down. You could just see in his composure how much he enjoyed it, and she liked sharing it with him. Being with someone experiencing the magic for the first time made it feel fresh and new for her too.

They were nearing the end of the first book, just as Harry was starting to piece everything together. As Amy continued and revealed that it was in fact Professor Quirrell assisting Voldemort, Jake let out a shout.

“What?” she enquired.

“I’m a detective and I didn’t see that coming. He was so insignificant!”

“That was on purpose though. You’ll see, he explains in a minute.”

Amy read through Professor Quirrell’s confession, then paused and looked at Jake. He was shaking his head in disbelief still.

“This lady is good.”

“J.K. Rowling is indeed good. It gets better in the last books, actually.”

“How many are there?”

“Seven,” Amy grinned. “And the last four are huge.”

“How many did you bring on this trip?”

“Just two.”

“Ames, we’re going to finish this book today, and then you only have one more. How dare you only bring two,” he teased, winking at her. Her cheeks flushed in response.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you would be so in to it. I would be pacing myself a bit more than we are now if I was just reading for myself, so I would have been fine.”

“Fine, we’ll see what we can do. Finish this one for now.”

She did, without hesitation. Jake enjoyed the triumph over Voldemort, though he was disappointed that Harry had to go back to the Dursley’s for the summer.

“They are awful to him. Why can’t Dumbledore do something?”

Amy smiled knowingly. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out.”

“Amy! Do you know something I don’t?”

“Of course I do. But if you think I’m going to ruin it for you, you’ve got another thing coming.”

He groaned, frustrated. “And we don’t even have the full series here. Yours looks a little beat-up, by the way. Where did you get them?”

“I managed to find them all second-hand. I got them when I was just starting out on my own, and I didn’t have a lot of money. Most of them were on the verge of falling apart when I bought them, and I don’t think my treatment of them has been much better.”

“Maybe Hermione will come and magic them back together.”

She laughed, closed the book, and turned the radio on while she checked her phone messages. They sat quietly for the next little while. It was a comfortable silence though, which was a wonderful departure from yesterday.

She felt Jake shift gears and slide into an off-ramp, and she looked up to see where they were. It didn’t look like anything special.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m hungry. Also, I cannot resist tacky tourist towns and souvenirs and stuff, and this place is 200% guaranteed to be exceedingly tacky.”

Amy wasn’t much in the mood for tourist traps, but she was glad Jake had given up trying to live off of gas station candy. She knew eventually it would have made him either hyper or cranky, and she didn’t want to have to deal with that.

They just had fast food for lunch, and then Jake insisted on going to the tourist district.

“I have a challenge for you.”

Amy rolled her eyes. This never ended well.

“We have 20 minutes to shop around, and the person who makes the best purchase for the other wins. Loser buys desert after dinner tonight?”

“Sure, why not,” she decided to humor him.

“Okay. Ready, set, go!”

Jake practically ran off in one direction. After staring after him with a bemused expression for a few seconds, she wandered off in the other. It really was just the generic image of a tourist town, with the same souvenirs you can find everywhere. Nothing really stood out to her as special.

And then she wandered into a store that seemed to specialize in plushies, and there in the window was a pineapple. It had big brown eyes sewn on, just like Jake’s, and she knew she had to get it. The reference to his nickname was too good to pass up. She bought the stuffed pineapple and meandered back to the spot Jake had specified. She was curious to see what he had gotten.

Jake was there before she was, but it looked like he was empty handed. He beamed when he saw the giant pineapple in her arms, reaching his arms out for it. She handed it to him, smirking.

“So, you have nothing? Do I automatically win then?”

“Oh no. I have completely won. I do love this though. I just need you to come with me to get it, it’s a bit heavy.”

He paced off, and she trailed off after him, slightly confused. He led her in to a bookstore, straight to the counter. The woman behind the register recognized him immediately, smiled, and picked up a closed box from the behind the counter. Judging from her exertions, it was extraordinarily heavy. Jake grabbed the box, thanked the woman, and then brought Amy over to a table in the coffee shop portion of the store. He put the box down in front of her. Upon closer inspection, it was detailed to look like a chest, or a trunk.

“Open it.” He was being surprisingly gentle.

She lifted the lid to find seven mint-condition Harry Potter books. They were beautiful, newest edition. She felt tears welling up in her eyes.

“I thought you deserved nice new ones, since you love this series so much. Also, this way, you can keep reading to me.”

She almost kissed him right there in that bookstore. She almost stood up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and brought his face to hers, putting every emotion she had at that moment into that kiss, and hoping he understood. Almost. But she didn’t.

She laced her hands together, and a tear actually fell, sliding down her cheek, soothing her bright red cheeks.

“You absolutely win. Thank you. This is so amazing.”

He was beaming, bursting with pride and happiness. He hopped off his stool, and went to grab the box so she wouldn’t have to carry it, but she intercepted him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she put her head in his chest and whispered, again, “Thank you.”

He hugged her back, resting his chin on her chest, and then pulled away.

“There is one more thing I want to do before we hit the road again.”

Amy wiped the tears out of her eyes and then nodded, and he led her down a few streets to an ice cream store. There were some of those plywood billboards with some cartoon characters drawn on, but with the faces cut out so you could put your face in the hole. This particular one had two cows, since it was an ice cream shop. Jake gestured enthusiastically to them. Amy put her hands on her hips disbelievingly.

“How old are you again?”

“I told you, I love this stuff. Come on, please?”

She rolled her eyes, and moved behind the billboard. Jake found someone to take a picture of them, and then came to join her. They made their worst faces, and then looked at the pictures together in the car later, laughing.

Amy couldn’t have imagined this day happening. It wasn’t her idea of fun, but as she cracked the spine on the new Chamber of Secrets book she now owned, she realized she would probably remember this day for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is a bit slower and more boring. I promise the next chapter will be a bit more exciting! its the one I've been most looking forward to writing since i started this

The day before they arrived in Los Angeles was a quiet one. They stopped for food, but not much else. It gave Amy a lot of time to think, which she was grateful for.

Jake had the windows down, and the wind was ruffling his hair. He had the radio on loud, because Amy had said she didn’t mind. And really, she didn’t. She liked seeing him like this, completely free from all the worries of the world, and looking like a stereotypical hot beach boy.

She really liked him. She couldn’t deny it anymore, not with the beautiful new books she had and how much she has enjoyed the last few days, and the memory of that kiss in the evidence lock-up coming back to her whenever she closed her eyes. She wanted to be able to have that kiss again, to do it properly, with them both aware of the emotions behind it, embracing them. She wanted to wake up next to him in the morning and have him pull her back in to bed when she tried to get up. She wanted to be running her fingers through his hair, ruffling it the way the wind was right now.

But all this was complicated by the fact that they worked together. She didn’t want to get in a fight and then spend the whole day staring at him across her desk. She didn’t want to have to share this private thing in her life with everyone at the precinct. She especially didn’t want to have to deal with a breakup, which is bad enough as it is, and then be working a case with the ex-boyfriend in question.

He also feels like something that would be bad for her. She is meticulous and careful and she tries so hard to be a serious adult. Jake is rarely like that. He is such a child. A goofy, wonderful child, but unfortunately that’s just how it is. His desk scares her, he doesn’t take anything seriously, and he can’t dress nice to save his life.

But he’s so kind. So genuine. So honest and open. He is a great friend when he wants to be, and he is so good to her.

This is so hard.

She looks up at him, and he looks back, smiling. She doesn’t know what to do. She can’t make this decision on her own. The only thing she knows is that losing him would be the worst thing that might ever happen to her.

When they stopped for dinner, Amy excused herself for an extraordinarily long bathroom break. She spent most of the time she was in there bent over the sink, trying to think a bit more clearly. It didn’t work.

Trying to reach a decision with what she wanted to do wasn’t helped by the fact the he was being exceptionally adult and considerate for the past three days. She was even a little bit disappointed the night before when he had gotten them separate rooms. It wasn’t that she wanted anything to happen, she just wanted to be close to him. It wasn’t a good situation.

She sat in one of the stalls in the diner bathroom thinking about who she could call for help. She wanted someone who would actually be helpful, without judging her. Unfortunately, she didn’t really have too many friends outside the precinct, especially female ones, and she thought she needed a female opinion on this. And preferably someone who knew Jake. That limited it to someone who worked with them.

Not Gina. Gina knew Jake well, but Gina was also the most judgmental person Amy had ever met. They weren’t even particularly close. So that only left Rosa.

She didn’t have the guts to call Rosa right there in that bathroom, so she continued to mull over the decision in the car. It didn’t feel entirely right, but sitting here doing nothing wasn’t the best course of action either.

“Amy?”

She jumped, caught off guard. Jake was staring at her.

“We’re at a gas station, last break before we stop for the night. You seemed pretty comatose there, so I thought I’d break you out of your reverie.”

“Wow Jake, that was a lot of big words in a row,” she teased.

He rolled his eyes at her and got out of the car. “I’ll get gas, you go get snacks?”

“Sure thing. I just have a phone call to make too, so I might be a few minutes”

She went in and talked to the cashier, getting a couple of cokes and all dressed chips, a love she and Jake apparently shared. Then she went to the back of the store, leaned against the fridge and pulled out her phone.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to do this. Rosa wasn’t always the most compassionate person.

She dialed the number anyways.

Amy was afraid she was going to get voicemail, but Rosa picked up at the last minute.

“What do you want Santiago.”

“Hey Rosa! You sound very healthy today! I hope-“

“I repeat, what do you want Santiago. I’m busy at the moment.”

Amy heard Marcus in the background, and she got very self-conscious.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just wanted…your advice on something.”

Silence emanated from Rosa’s end of the line.

“You know how we said we always had each others backs?”

“Just get it out, Santiago.”

“Okay. This is weird. But I don’t know who to talk to about this.”

“Santiago! Just talk!”

“Listen, I really like Jake and I’m like one hundred percent certain that he likes me but it could be really complicated with work and I don’t know what to do. What do I do Rosa?”

“Hmmmm…”

Rosa was very rarely at a loss for words, so Amy just assumed she was thinking.

“Just go for it. I mean, you guys have been dancing around this for ages. Just kiss him and tell him you’re going out some time. He’ll dig it, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea though? I mean, it could make things messy at work and the captain might not like it, and –“

“Santiago, you asked for my advice, and I told you what I think. I have your back, but Jake is also my friend, and as previously mentioned, I am busy right now. So I’m going to go now.”

“Alright. Thanks Rosa.”

“You’re welcome. Goodnight Amy.”

The line went dead, and Amy let out a sigh, letting her head fall back against the cold fridge.

She went back to the car, and handed Jake his snacks.

“Thanks dude! How was your phone call?”

She shook her head.

“It went about as well as I expected it too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing the end of this. They both need more sweetness in their lives.
> 
> Also, I wanted to thank everyone for the comments. I'm glad you're enjoying everything so far :D

Amy spent the rest of the car ride that night mulling over Rosa’s advice. She understood what she was trying to say. Sometimes the risk is worth it. Going for it might result is a wonderful relationship, and that would make this pain and conflict worth the trouble.

But what if it didn’t work.

She looked over at Jake, and saw the wind in his hair and the sparkle of happiness in his eyes and abruptly she wanted nothing else more in the world.

She almost listened Rosa. She almost leaned over and kissed him. That is, until the image of her captain floated in front of her eyes, and her conviction crumbled.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t mess up their working relationship. Or any relationship with him, at all. He was too important.

Jake looked over at her and noticed her expression. His eyebrows knitted together, and he asked, “Are you alright?”

Amy smiled sadly and nodded that she was fine. She wasn’t sure he bought it.

They pulled over into a town off the highway. It was very small, which meant that there was only one ratty motel in the whole place.

“Looks like this is it. Sorry, I know it’s not the nicest,” Jake grimaced.

“It’s alright, I’m a cop, I can handle it.”

As per their tradition, Amy went in to get rooms. The whole place smelled faintly of fish, and not in a good way.

She went up to the counter, a bit leery. She was a cop, and had faced down armed gunmen, but something about this motel gave her the creeps.

“Sup. What can I do for you?” The girl behind the counter couldn’t have been older than 20, and looked like she would rather be anywhere than where she was. Amy just smiled and tried her best to be polite.

“I need two single rooms, please.”

“No can do. None left. There’s two of you?”

“Yes.”

“Best I can do is give you a double room.”

Amy hesitated. “What does that come with?”

“Two single beds, one bathroom.”

Amy was getting stressed out enough that she instinctively reached into her purse for her cigarettes before she remembered she had kicked the habit. She didn’t like the idea of sharing a room with Jake, not when they were in such a weird spot. It did make her feel a bit better that she wouldn’t be alone in this place though.

“Save the room, let me just go ask my partner if it’s okay.”

The girl nodded vacantly, snapping her gum. Amy went back outside just as Jake was shutting the car door.

“They only have one room. We’d share a bathroom, but each have our own bed. Should we just keep going?”

“Ames, I’m beat. I need to sleep now.” And he was right, now that she looked she could see the circles starting to sag under his eyes.

“Alright, we’ll stay here.”

They trudged in, and Amy took the room key from the girl at the desk. The elevator was broken down, and most of the lights flickered as they passed under them.

“A bit spooky in here, isn’t it?” Jake mused, eyeing a mysterious stain on the carpet.

“Just a bit. Super cheap though.”

“This is true.”

Every stair creaked under Amy’s weight, and she was getting more apprehensive by the minute. Someone shouted on the floor above them, and Amy started, almost falling backwards down the stairs. Jake steadied her with a hand at her waist, and she felt her whole body go warm.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Don’t be too freaked out. We are cops, after all,” he teased, referencing her earlier boast.

Climbing up two more flights of stairs, Amy finally found their room. She let them in and went over to the far bed, duping her bag on the threadbare comforter. The pictures on the wall were crooked, and every single light was feeble and flickering.

“You mind if I use the bathroom first?”

“Go for it.” Jake was already stretching out on his bed, arms under his head.

She shut herself in the bathroom, quickly changing into her comfortable pajamas. She panicked for a moment, realizing her tank top was a bit too revealing. She switched in to a tshirt, figuring it would be a bit more appropriate.

As she took her minimal makeup off, she heard a bang from down the hallway. It made her jump again, knocking her makeup bag off the counter.

“You alright in there?” Jake yelled from the room.

“Fine! I’m fine!”

She finished up what she was doing and let Jake in the bathroom. She wandered around the room for a bit, fixing up her stuff to make it as neat as possible. She heard the bathroom door open, and looked up to see Jake in loose shorts and no shirt.

She quickly averted her gaze, and Jake crawled in to bed. She heard more shouting from down the hall, and she shivered. She was tough, but she was a bit scared in here.

She went in to the secret compartment of her purse, and pulled out the small handgun she kept there. She tucked in under her pillow before crawling in to the bed herself.

Amy looked over to see Jake looking at her.

“If you’re that worried, you can climb in with me over here,” Jake teased.

She winced slightly. “Thanks Jake. I think I’ll be fine.”

They both lapsed in to silence. She heard Jake’s breathing even out, and assumed he was asleep.

She couldn’t find her peace, and she couldn’t fall asleep. She kept hearing noises through the building, and it prevented her from closing her eyes.

Eventually she gave up. Between hearing his breath 3 feet away from her, and Rosa’s advice turning over and over in her head, it was inevitable.

She pushed the covers off of her, and gently swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She crossed the creaky floor in two strides and pulled back the blankets over Jake’s chest.

“Amy…?” His voice was groggy, on the verge of sleep.

“You said I could crawl in.”

He made a sound of approval, and then moved over and made room for her on the small bed. She put her head on the pillow and tried to curl up so as not to inconvenience him. She really did feel better being closer to him.

Amy felt Jake’s arms wrap around her, and he dragged her gently into his chest. His chin rested above her forehead, and his thumb was tracing soft circles on her shoulder. His skin was soft and warm to the touch, and she was hyperaware of every place where their bodies connected. He didn’t say anything, so she didn’t either.

The steady rise and fall of his chest lulled her in to sleep, and they both drifted off wrapped in each other’s arms. Amy woke up the same way, and extricated herself from his embrace before he could wake up and make it mean something.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the (not-so) happiest place on earth!

Jake met her in the morning for breakfast, smiling wider than he usually did. She paid an inordinate amount of attention to her bagel, saying good morning but not alluding to how they had slept. He bit his lip, seemed to decide not to say anything, and then went to get some cereal.

Neither of them mentioned what had happened, and Amy liked it that way. She felt bad for leading him on when she wasn’t sure yet what she was feeling, and what she wanted to do about it.

They made it to Los Angeles that morning, long before lunch. Jake had made amazing time crossing the country. They didn’t have to pick up the perp until 6, so they had a lot time to kill. They started throwing around ideas of what to do until then.

“We could just wander around and catch a movie,” Jake suggested.

“Boring. We can do that in New York.” He raised his eyes at her at the notion of them watching a movie together at home. “N-not that we would. I mean, it was just a thought.”

“Okay. What are some stereotypical Los Angeles things? We could do all the dumb Hollywood stuff, like seeing the sign and the walk of fame.”

Amy didn’t answer. She had just realized something.

“Amy? You in there?”

“I know where we’re going. You’re not allowed to argue.”

“What?”

“Disneyland.”

“Oh come on Amy, no. We’re adults. There is no way you are taking me to Disneyworld.”

“Disneyland. Disneyworld is in Florida.”

“Whatever. We’re not going. Also, I’m in crushing debt, remember?”

“I remember. That’s why I’ll pay for your ticket.”

He stared at her, incredulous. When she didn’t break his gaze, he looked away in defeat.

“Fine.”

Amy cheered, and then searched for directions on her phone. She knew he hated the idea now, but that he would love it once they got there.

They got through the gates with no issue, even though it was relatively busy. Amy decided to bring Jake on some rides first, since that was most likely to warm him up to the whole experience. She grabbed a map and perused for a minute.

“Do you like roller coasters?” she asked, assuming he did.

“Not ones that are too big.”

“What? Jake Peralta, total badass, doesn’t like roller coasters?”

“They make me sick, okay? And that doesn’t make me any less of a badass,” he wagged a finger in her face to emphasize his point. She laughed at his bravado.

“Okay, there’s a relatively small Peter Pan themed roller coaster over here. Lets do that.”

“I have seen that movie so many times, and it never gets old.”

She elbowed him playfully. “See? I told you you’d find something to enjoy.”

He rolled his eyes in response, but didn’t say anything else. Wearing him down was easy.

They did the Peter Pan roller coaster, and then a few more basic rides. Of course, Amy brought him to the classics, like the Alice in Wonderland teacups and the Haunted Mansion. Jake particularly enjoyed the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. After that, they broke for lunch, settling for pizza at a small fast-food style restaurant.

“Not as good as Brooklyn pizza,” Jake said between mouthfuls.

“Perhaps not, but it is shaped like Mickey Mouse.”

“That just makes it hard to eat!”

“Come on, it’s cute.”

“Yes, it is. Don’t they sell real Mickey Mouse ears? Yeah, that kid over there has some.”

Amy feigned a shocked expression. “Are you telling me you are enjoying yourself enough you actually want to buy a souvenir?”

Jake went bright red, and hid himself behind his pizza.

“Is that a yes?”

“Fine, yes, I am having a lot of fun and I really want the mouse ears.”

That is how, half an hour later, they were sitting on a bench taking selfies of both of them with mouse ears on. Jake had the classic ones, but Amy had gone for more Minnie Mouse styled ones, with a little polka-dotted bow included. They were really cute. She and Jake looked really cute like this together.

Jake grabbed the map from her and looked for the next thing they were going to do. Finding it, he rolled up the map, stuck it in his back pocket, and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet.

“This way Ames!”

He never let go of her hand, dragging her behind him to the next ride. He had such an expression of joy on his face, she never wanted to see him look another way. She loved him so completely.

Amy froze. Had she actually just thought those words? Had the phrase ‘I love him’ just passed through her head?

She was suddenly gripped with an intense panic. She wasn’t prepared for this. She had been okay when the extent of her emotions had been an intense like. But love? Love was different.

“Amy?” Jake had noticed she had stopped moving.

She didn’t know what to do. She felt the overwhelming urge to run away.

“Sorry, Jake, I need to go to the bathroom,” she blurted out, without any thought.

His face cleared up a bit. “Alright. I’ll be here.”

She practically ran to the nearest bathroom, shutting herself in the stall. She tried and failed not to cry. She loved Jake, and it stressed her out to no end. It would be complicated at work, and as many times as he had showed how interested he was in her, she still wasn’t entirely convinced. Amy knew she wasn’t a catch, and always doubted male interest in her.

Her phone rang, the shrill tone breaking her out of her thoughts. It was Jake. She did her best to clear her throat, so she didn’t sound like she had been crying.

“Hello?”

“Ames, are you alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You’ve been in there for twenty minutes.”

Oh.

“Sorry, I hadn’t realized. I’ll be out in a few more minutes, okay?”

“Okay.”

The line went dead, and Amy wiped her nose, going out to the sink. A young girl stared at her.

“Are you okay lady?”

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you. I just had a fight.”

“You shouldn’t be fighting here. Everything is happy!”

“I know. I’m trying.”

“Would you like a lollipop?”

Amy smiled. “Yes, please.”

The girl gave her the candy before skipping off with her mother. Amy rubbed off the makeup that had smeared down her face before freshening up with a new coat. She walked out to find Jake waiting for her.

“Hey Ames, you sure you’re alright?”

“Fine. We should go now.”

“What do you mean, we still have a few hours.”

“I really think we should go now. You know, just to make sure we aren’t late.”

Jake shrugged and went with it. They exited the park in silence, just trying their best to weave through the crowd. Jake tried to talk to her when they got back to the car.

“That was fun. Thanks for making me go.”

“No problem.”

“I wish we had had more time. Did you want to meet any characters?”

“Nope.”

He seemed to gather she wasn’t in a talking mood, so he left her to her thoughts for a bit. He tried again soon enough though.

“We should go to Florida some time. You know, the other Disneyworld? And there’s a Harry Potter theme park too, right?”

“Maybe.”

“Amy, what is going on with you? Was it something I said?” His concern was extremely visible on his face, and she felt bad causing him so much anguish.

“I’m fine. Nothing is going on. Just tired. It’s not you.”

“Would you like-“

“Jake, I’m not in the mood for talking.”

The look he gave her reminded her of a puppy that had been stepped on. She could see the sadness settle in to his shoulders, and she wanted to hug him and kiss his forehead and tell him everything was okay, but it wasn’t. This relationship wasn’t okay.

Every so often he turns to her with his sad eyes, and she always looks away. They pick up the perp and turn back around to go back to New York. She didn’t say a word to him till the next day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't turn out as well as I hoped it would, but no matter how much I fight with it, I can't make it better. I hope you semi enjoy it anyways :)

Amy was much less upset when she woke up. She was still shaken by what was happening in her head, but putting some emotional distance between her and Jake had helped.

Jake avoided her as much as he could. He made small talk when needed, and he wasn’t exactly cold or distant, but it was still strange. She didn’t blame him though. She had been very difficult.

She knew she had to apologize to him, but it was a hard thing for her to do without admitting what was going on in her head. He deserved the apology though. He had done nothing wrong.

She waited a few hours to approach the subject. The car was filled with a heavy tension, which wasn’t helped by the perpetually silent man in handcuffs in the back seat. The perp wasn’t very menacing, but the fact that he didn’t talk did add to the weird atmosphere in the vehicle.

“Jake?”

“Amy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I have been really not nice to you the last few days. Really hot and cold.”

“It happens.”

“It shouldn’t.” Amy wasn’t sure he was getting her point.

“Look, I get it if I said something stupid. I do that a lot. I just wish you would talk to me about it instead of shutting down like this.”

“No, I promise it wasn’t you. I swear. Yesterday I ate something bad and that’s why I ran to the bathroom and stopped talking, cause I really did not feel well.” She felt guilty lying to him, but she wasn’t ready to tell him the truth. He just kept staring straight ahead, not looking at her.

“Jake. I’m sorry. You deserve a better partner than this.” She was hoping he got the implication that he deserved better than her in life in general.

“I just want you to be happy. I will help you through everything.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, and leaned back in her seat. It wasn’t a perfect conversation, but it would do for now.

After lunch she pulled out a book from her bag. She held it up to Jake, showing off the beautiful cover of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban.

“You want to hear more? Also I am so in love with these books, by the way. Thank you again for buying them for me.”

“You’re welcome. I like listening to them too.”

She picked up where they had left off, about halfway through the book. She kept going for hours, until she reached the end of the story, snapping the cover shut. She loved watching his reactions to the story, especially in the climax with Sirius and Pettigrew. She even got the impression that the perp in the back seat was listening as well. It was like she was in charge of the atmosphere in the car, and she was slowly working it back up to a place where everyone was comfortable.

She relaxed more as they went, and she and Jake began to talk more. They discussed the book and its characters.

“I am a big fan of Remus,” Amy noted. “He gets a lot of development in the later books.”

“He is pretty cool. I really like Hermione though. We need more people in the world like her.” He looked at her briefly, smiling. She grinned back as she realized what he had said. She wondered if he remembered her saying how much she loved Hermione, and how much she thought she was like Hermione. She almost hoped he did.

They stopped for dinner, but after that it looked like Jake was starting to fade. He had driven every day since leaving New York, but he loved driving, so she hadn’t questioned it.

“Jake, you look a little tired there. How ‘bout you let me take over?”

“I’m good Ames, thanks.” His sincerity was undermined by the enormous yawn he had to stifle at the end of his sentence. She rolled her eyes at him.

“Jake, come on, let me drive for a bit.”

“I’m okay, seriously.” He yawned again.

“Jake.”

“Okay, fiiiiiiine.” He dragged out his concession as much as he could before he pulled over and go out to switch to the passenger side.

Sure enough, he fell asleep within fine minutes of Amy taking over the wheel. He snored gently with his head leaning against the window. It was very endearing. Even though she was driving, she couldn’t help looking over at him every once in a while. He was so peaceful when he was sleeping, as compared to his normal every day frantic energy. It was almost beautiful. He was almost beautiful. She wished he would do his hair a bit better; he would look so nice without the frumpy teenage boy hairdo.

The sun slanted in to the car through the passenger window as it sank below the horizon, lighting up blond highlights in his hair. Now he really was beautiful.

She brought her eyes back to the road, smiling a little bit. She knew nothing would probably happen, but she could enjoy her time next to him while she was here.

Jake shifted slightly in his seat, and Amy turned back to look at him again. The perp was asleep in the back, so she didn’t feel weird about devoting this much attention to her sleeping partner. The sun is still illuminating his face, and she is struck by the urge to reach out and hold his hand while she drives, to have him keep her company that way, even though she knows she really shouldn’t do that.

He was smiling slightly in his sleep, and Amy wondered fondly what beautiful world he was dreaming of, and if she was in it at all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i did not expect this chapter to be as great as it turned out to be (in my opinion). I was grinning like an idiot writing it, so I hope you like it :) (the songs are 'faithfully' by Journey, and 'love story ' by Taylor Swift)

The next day was uneventful. They stayed on the highway, stopping only in well-populated places for fast food meals. Amy tried not to read the whole way through, both to preserve her voice, and because she knew from experience that if you went through something too quickly, like a book or a TV show, you tended to forget a lot of the details, and she wanted to Jake to remember everything as best he could.

She had won the argument with Jake earlier in the day to have control of the radio, but her iPod was a little outdated. She was just tired of listening to his classic rock tunes, which she had never heard of. So here she was, subjecting him and the perp to some classic Disney songs and generic pop music. After one particularly mindless tune, Jake rolled his eyes and turned the volume off.

“Why do you listen to this stuff? It’s awful.”

“It’s not awful. It’s got a really good beat, so it’s great for working out,” Amy huffed.

“What about real music though? Like, music that you can actually feel. Music that means something.”

“I have some of that. I used to be in to a lot of lesser known, kind of folk-pop stuff as a kid, you know, songs about getting the boy and love and stuff. My brothers always made fun of me for it though, so I grew out of it.”

“How about I show you some real music.” Jake unplugged her iPod and connected his own.

“Haven’t I been listening to your ‘real music’ for the past five days?” Amy inquired, leaning back in her chair. “It just seems like too much guitar to me.”

“No, that was driving music. Here, listen.”

He put on something that felt vaguely familiar to her, and she finally placed the song once they got to the chorus. It was ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’, by Bon Jovi. She tried to resist, but she couldn’t help singing along.

“See? No one can resist stuff like this. It might not be too genius, but it just resonates, you know?” Jake was a little too smug for her liking, but she understood, and let him play a few more, eventually recognizing all of them. They sang along together, and he stopped to laugh at her.

“Ames, you really can’t sing,” he teased.

“I bet you aren’t that much better.”

He brightened instantly. “I will take that action! We each get one song, and whoever is better is the ultimate winner of the universe. Hey Mr. Perp Man, can you be our judge?” he asked, looking at the perp in his mirror. There was no answer, not that either of them were expecting one.

“Okkkaaaay. So. I get to go first?” Jake was practically bouncing up and down in his seat, and Amy laughed, though she feared a bit for their safety as he drove.

“Sure, Jake.”

“Okay, we have to make some rules first. Windows down, top speed, you have to sing louder than the music so I can actually hear you, you have to pretend to be holding a microphone and put on a real performance, you have to pretend I’m your hot backup dancer-“

“Jake!”

“Okay fine, no backup dancer. But everything else applies!”

She shook her head in disbelief, but went with it. “Okay, you start.”

He scrolled through his iPod for a bit before selecting a song. Then, a series of piano chords echoed the car, and he started singing.

He wasn’t terrible, she had to admit. He got really into it with his fake microphone, and he kept glancing over at her as he did it. She almost thought he was self-conscious, singing in front of her.

“Oh girl, you stand by me, I’m forever yours, faithfully.” He leaned in to her as he sang the main line of the song. She blushed, pulling away a bit.

The song continued on, and she listened to Jake sing about falling in love with the same person over and over, about rediscovering all the beautiful things about them, and being loyal to one another, still looking over at her every time he sang the chorus part. She felt warm, biting her lip, enjoying the attention he was giving her with his spectacle of a performance.

His voice cracked on the high riff at the end of the song, and she burst in to laughter, missing his insane flourishing finale.

“You ruined my ending!”

“Sorry, sorry, I just – wow – Sorry!” She was still doubled over, trying to speak between breaths. He pouted into the steering wheel for a moment before returning to their bet.

“Alright, so I was amazing. You are going to have to try really hard to be better than that.”

“You messed up the whole ending!”

“You messed up the ending for me!”

“Whatever Jake. I think I automatically win if I hit all the notes in my song,” she teased, elbowing him playfully.

He raised his eyebrows at her. “I will agree to that, because there is no chance that that will ever happen.”

She felt her competitive instinct kick in, and she reconnected her iPod, scrolling till she found something that caught her eye. She had had a pretty heavy Taylor Swift phase a while back, and she still remembered the words to most of the songs. She pressed play.

The well-known guitar opening started playing, and Jake groaned. He obviously knew what was coming.

Amy tried to get in to it, but she felt strange singing like this in front of a stranger. She didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Jake, but at least he was familiar. The perp wasn’t.

By the chorus, she was feeling much better. She was even enjoying pretending to have a mic on here, getting in to the performance aspect of it.

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone,” she crooned, reaching out to Jake with one hand, as if he was her Romeo. She went red at the thought, and almost as if he had heard it too, so did he.

“I love you, and that’s all I really know.” She put a hand on her heart, and he bit his lip. She finished the song with both hands in the air, and Jake took his off the steering wheel for a moment to clap for her. She gave him a reproachful glance and he went to the wheel, chuckling.

“I think I was definitely better,” she proclaimed, adrenaline still pumping through her bloodstream.

He shook his head. Surprising her, he took his right hand off the wheel and grabbed her own hand, turning to look at her.

“Amy, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you are a terrible singer,” he said quietly, squeezing her hand as he spoke, and smiling to soften the playful blow.

She smiled back, looking down to where their hands were joined. She should be pulling away. So should he. But neither of them were.

Amy looked back up at him again, and suddenly she saw that every wall he had ever put around himself had come crashing down. There was such tenderness in his eyes, and she held his hand a little bit tighter. She knew what was coming, what he was going to say, and it was terrifying. Terrifying because of the implication with their job. Terrifying because she felt it too. Terrifying because she was ready to leap head first in to whatever was coming, because if it meant she got to see Jake Peralta look at her like that more often, it seemed like the best decision she could ever make.

He opened his mouth to speak, his eyes pulling her in, and she was ready to take the leap of faith, and then –

“Hey, I need to go to the bathroom.”

The perp had chosen that moment to finally speak more than two words, and it shattered the spell that had been cast. Jake abruptly released her hand, fixating back on the road, and told the perp that they would stop for a break soon. Amy bit the inside of her cheek and turned quickly to look out her window. Maybe this really wasn’t meant to be.

But she could not deny that in that moment, she would have given everything she owned, and then some, to be with Jake.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter and the next are going to be painful and frustrating and I am sorry. I promise it will turn out all right in the end though, so hang in there

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and they spent the night as they usually did. They booked three rooms at the hotel: one for the perp, windowless, of course, and one for each of them. They took shifts outside the perps room, so that he had freedom but was still monitored. It was a good system, and it kept them professional.

The next morning broke bright and humid. It was their last day on the road; they would be back in New York the next afternoon.

Amy read through most of the day, anxious to get through the fourth Harry Potter book before they got back. This one was taking much longer than the others, because it was so big, and because there was so much information to absorb. Jake kept stopping her to ask questions, so that he actually understood what was going on.

She had come down off her romantic high from the day before. When Jake wasn’t staring at her like she was the sun in his sky, it felt less real, and less magical. She remembered her job. She still felt a pull to him, still wanted to be with him, but it was tempered by her logical nature.

They pulled up to their last hotel, and Amy went in to get rooms. She had hoped they would get by with only one room issue, but apparently that was not to be.

“I’m so sorry, we only have one room left in the whole place! We got booked pretty much solid at the last minute,” the woman at the desk apologized, searching desperately to try and accommodate her.

“It’s alright, I understand. What does this room have?”

“Two double beds, one bathroom, minifridge…”

“One door?”

“Yes?” The woman seemed confused by her question, which made sense. Most guests at the hotel weren’t in charge of a criminal and didn’t have to make sure said criminal didn’t escape.

“That will be fine, thanks. We’ll take it.”

The woman smiled, pleased that Amy had taken the room, and handed her two keys. Amy went back to Jake and brought him and the perp up to speed.

“We’ll have to just take shifts staying up in the room with him,” Amy reasoned, hoping Jake didn’t mind.

He looked a bit uneasy, but accepted the idea. They trudged up to the room and settled in, always keeping one eye on the man in their charge.

Amy took the first shift up, moving a chair in front of the door, both so that she had a clear view of the room, and so that she was blocking the exit. She also had a great view of Jake.

It was becoming a bit of a guilty pleasure for her, watching him sleep. He was so peaceful, so serene, and all his defenses were down. It reminded her of the look he had given her the day before, when every door was open and they could run hand in hand down whichever path they wanted.

She knew now that wasn’t the case. As much as he showed interest in her now, she was scared that eventually it would wane. He would get tired of her rigidity and her routines, tired of her lack of social life and crazy family, tired of spending nights curled up on the couch, which she loved. Tired of her, essentially. He was the classic rogue, never settling down, always chasing down a new adventure, and she wasn’t sure she could do that with him, and she definitely wasn’t sure he would want to stop.

So all of this must just be lust, or infatuation. Jake was relatively attractive, she could see how so many women fell for him. She knew she wasn’t perfect, but she had made a few heads turn as she walked down the street sometimes. Maybe they were just caught up in a rush of hormones and the familiarity that comes from spending so much time together.

All that time together was also an issue. Amy was sure that there was probably a rule somewhere about detectives dating each other, and she absolutely did not want to start her relationship with their new captain by breaking it. She also didn’t want to share every detail of their possible relationship with everyone in the precinct. She especially did not want to start this romantic entanglement and then lose it because of a stupid rule somewhere in the NYPD handbook. It would break her.

As logical as Amy was, she compiled all of these thoughts into a pro and con list in her head. It was one of the most difficult things she had ever done.

She couldn’t do it.

Even if he asked, she couldn’t do it.

She started crying silently as she came to her decision, hurt already by the loss of what could have been.

Amy got up silently and went over to sit on the bed next to Jake, perched on his side of the mattress, so that the half where she should have been sleeping was empty. Trying to calm her tears, and desperate for one last moment of closeness with him, she leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead.

He smiled in his sleep as her lips met his skin, and rolled slightly to reach an arm over to the empty space where Amy should have been, as if to pull her closer to him. Amy’s heart shattered, and the tears came harder now. Even if this was just a phase for Jake, her rejection would hurt him just as much as it was hurting her.

Amy went back to her chair and rode out the rest of her emotional meltdown. The room was silent except for her sniffling; she was surprised Jake didn’t wake up at the noise. Eventually, she calmed herself down enough to sit and read, both to keep herself awake and to give her something else to focus on.

She woke Jake up halfway through the night, trying to hide her face from him as much as possible so that he couldn’t see how distraught she was. It seemed to work, as he didn’t question her at all.

He took up her position in the chair at the door and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. Amy curled up in the bed, facing away from him so she wasn’t tempted to stare. A few more silent tears fell, but if Jake noticed her crying, he didn’t say anything.

She fell asleep to the sound of his steady breathing, resolving herself to be strong once the morning came.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more pain. also this is the second last chapter!

Even though she only slept half the night, Amy woke up uncharacteristically early. She was always punctual, but she did enjoy her sleep. Jake was, of course, still awake, balancing on the back two legs of the chair in the corner. He smiled at her, and she tried to crack a grin in return, but she wasn’t sure it turned out so well. She turned her back to him and stretched, getting ready to go home.

She took over the bathroom for a few minutes to do her hair and brush her teeth. The seclusion also gave her a moment to compose herself in front of the mirror. She would be strong. She was Amy Santiago; she could do anything. She could do this.

She padded out of the bathroom only to find that Jake was standing at the door, waiting for her.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” He gestured out in to the hallway.

“What about the guy?”

“He’s still fast asleep, and I handcuffed him to the bed.”

Out of excuses, Amy agreed. She felt like she had swallowed a bucket of ice. He was probably going to talk about everything that had happened. Her conviction to be strong was going to be tested sooner than she thought.

Outside the door, Amy leaned against the wall while Jake paced back and forth. She did not make any attempt to talk. Every so often, he would stop in front of her, stare at her for a second, and then keep pacing. It was maddening; the tension was driving her insane.

After a few more quick paces, he stopped, turned to face her, and started talking very quickly.

“I’m really sorry I kissed you in the evidence locker. We had talked about professionalism, and that really wasn’t professional, and I know that’s important to you. So I’m sorry about that. But I also really like you and I want to be with you for realsies.”

He paused, seemed to realized what he had said, and bit his lip.

“Not for realsies. Well, yes, for realsies. But like, I’m trying to be more grown-up for you, cause you’re such an adult and amazing and you value maturity and stuff so I’m trying. I hope I’m doing alright. But anyways, ‘for realisies’ was probably not the best way to phrase that.”

Amy’s heart was racing, and she felt the tears coming again. Jake plowed on. She wondered if he had prepared this speech.

“I would do anything for you. That sounds totally cliché but it is true. You are so beautiful and so perfect and smart and funny and I would love the chance to prove that I can-“ He was reaching for her hands, imploring her, and his eyes were so earnest, and she couldn’t do it.

“Jake.”

He stopped talking. He stopped reaching for her. He stared at her, full of both hope and fear. Every emotion was written in to the lines of his forehead, and she wanted to smooth them out, but she knew it wasn’t a good idea.

“I don’t want to do this.” Her voice was quiet, and she spoken to the floor, not looking at him. She didn’t want to see him break.

“What, talk about it right now? ‘Cause we can postpone. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

She didn’t answer. She let the silence ring.

“Or do you not want to be with me?” She had never heard his voice shake in the years she had known him, but it did now.

She couldn’t answer immediately. Her gaze shifted up to the ceiling, and she wrung her hands, and she couldn’t get her voice above a whisper.

“Both. It wouldn’t work out.”

She still couldn’t look at him, but she heard him turn away from her and lean his forehead against the opposite wall. They stood like that for a few minutes while he pulled himself together. He turned back to her, grinning. She knew it was fake, but even still, she didn’t know how he managed to keep himself so composed.

“That’s fine. Of course it’s fine. It’s your choice. I won’t bring it up again.”

“Thank you.”

The silence consumed her, rising up between them like a wall.

“How about I go get us all breakfast?” Jake suggested.

“Okay. Thank you.”

He took off down the hallway, and once she heard him get in to the elevator, she allowed herself to sink down the wall to the floor and let the tears that had been swimming in her eyes since the beginning of the conversation fall. It had been so hard not to run in to his arms, not to say yes, not to metaphorically run off in to the temporary sunset.

She let herself back in to the room. The perp was, blessedly, still asleep, so she had some privacy. She crawled back in to bed for a few minutes, using the blankets as a child would: as a protection from the harsh outside world.

Jake came back in with a tray of bagels, yogurt and coffee. He set it down on their table before handing Amy her coffee. She took a sip, and found it exactly how she liked it. Two sugars. She didn’t know that Jake had known that about her.

Jake was woken the perp up and given him food, so Amy gets up and grabs her bagel. She picks at it unenthusiastically. The bagel is plain, which isn’t how she would like it, but she assumes the hotel doesn’t have much else to offer.

They made it through packing up the hotel room and getting in to the car without much conversation, but in the car, Jake tried his best to act friendly and like nothing had happened. Amy did not possess that skill. It had happened, and she didn’t know what to do. Her whole world had come crashing down. She still thought it was for the best, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Amy looked over at him as they drove, the signs pointing them confidently in the direction of New York. He looked troubled, but at peace with what had happened. She knew he would hold no grudge against her, and that made everything easier. He had been much more adult lately, and she hoped that meant he wouldn’t resent her for too long.

They pulled off the highway into Brooklyn shortly after noon, and Amy was glad her nightmare was ending.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END IS HERE! Thank you to everyone that has been sticking with me through this. I'm sorry for my shitty editing jobs, but I really liked writing this. I hope to have more material out once I get inspiration, so if any of you want to shoot a prompt at me, leave a message or comment and I will see what I can do! Thank you again for all your kind words.

Jake and Amy dropped off the perp in the holding cell to a smattering of applause; apparently they (mostly Jake, probably) had been missed around the precinct.

“Hold your applause everyone! Yes, I have returned, and yes, I have done my duty wonderfully, but I am honored to share my glory with peasants such as yourselves!” Jake made his speech and Charles rushed over to hug him, and then the new captain strode out of his office.

“I am glad you two had a good trip,” he rumbled, looking back and forth between Jake and Amy. Amy kept her gaze on him, not wanting to engage with anyone at the moment. She felt Rosa’s gaze burning a whole in the side of her head though; she was probably wondering whether or not Amy had made a move.

“It was great Captain, thanks for your concern,” Amy answered politely.

“Peralta, where are you going?” Jake had been making for the door, ready to go home. He turned around smoothly at the interruption.

“I thought we were done here, Captain. We dropped off the guy.”

“Yes, but you both have a lot of paperwork to fill out about the transfer, and I need it done for the weekend. Seeing as it’s Friday, I’m going to need the pair of you to fill it out now.”

Jake barely stifled a groan and dragged himself back to his desk. Amy sat down in her chair, examining the stack that had been placed on her desk. She could still feel Rosa staring at her, analyzing every movement she and Jake made. It was unnerving, but it also pushed her to act a bit more normal.

She slid Jake’s half of the paperwork over to him and then opened the first of her own files. It was mindless work, and she finished it quickly. It helped that Jake wasn’t providing her with his usual banter, which usually just served to distract her. He stayed silent as well, which the entire room noticed. Charles came over and offered him various foods at least four times. Rosa punched him in the arm as she passed. It was a strange occurrence, Jake not talking. She felt bad that it was her fault.

“Are you done?” she asked. She had picked him up from his house when they had left, so she had to drive him home too.

“Just a few more minutes,” he mumbled, not looking up at her.

She leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. He was always slow at filling out paperwork, even though he handwriting almost screamed that everything he did was rushed.

When he was finished, they said their goodbyes and made their way out the door. Charles tried to hover around Jake again, but he brushed him off, impatient with something.

The ride home was silent, and Amy’s stomach was turning. It felt right to be with him, even with the decision she had made that morning. She was doubting everything” doubting her thoughts, her actions, her emotions, what was right. You only got so many chances in this world, and she wasn’t sure that it was right to throw this one away.

They pulled up at his apartment, and he turned to say goodbye to her.

“I had fun this week. Even with all the stupid stuff. I’ll see you on Monday?” He sounded sad, but not like he was angry. And she appreciated that he didn’t talk about it, and that he kept everything professional.

“Yeah, for sure,” she responded.

He got out, got his stuff, and headed inside. She waited till he got in the door, out of force of habit, and then planned to go home. But she couldn’t do it. For some reason, she could not make herself drive away.

What if she had made a mistake, saying no to him?

She had had the thought that she loved him, and she didn’t know for a fact that everything would go wrong; in fact, she thought maybe it would go very well. He was being very grown up, and she loved it. Maybe that would translate in to a relationship.

She wanted to find out what it was like to wake up with him and stay where she was. To see his morning hair, and hear his heartbeat, and make him breakfast. She wanted to hold his hand as they walked down the street when they were off duty. She wanted to bring him to her favorite Polish place so they could get potato pancakes together.

Rosa’s advice was repeating itself over and over in her head.

Before she knew it, she was getting out of her car and letting herself in the front door of the apartment building.

Amy wasn’t sure what had come over her, but she marched determinedly up to the third floor where Jake lived. She knew what she had to do.

By the time she stopped in front of his door, she was shaking. She had never been a brave one. She was’ when she had to be, but big, personal emotional risks had never been her thing. That’s why she had dated guys like Teddy; they were so predicable, so steady, and she didn’t risk too much. This was very different.

Trembling, she knocked twice on his door. She heard footsteps, and gathered her nerves.

When he opened the door, she gave herself just enough time to take in his disheveled hair, his untucked shirt and tired eyes, gave herself the time to make sure it was him, before she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with everything she had.

He stumbled back, taken by surprise, but quickly recovered enough to pull away from her sharply.

“Amy-“

“I know I said no. But I messed up. I want to be with you.” And she kissed him again to shut him up.

He pulled her in to him, shut the door behind her, and then pressed her into it. He pulled away again shortly thereafter.

“Are you sure?” He looked confused, hurt, and she didn’t blame him.

Amy put a hand on his waist and pulled him close to her so that their foreheads were leaning against each other. It was incredibly intimate, and it felt so incredibly perfect.

“I am very sure. I love you.” She whispered the last part so that she wasn’t even sure he had heard it.

“Amy…” he sighed, and then he was kissing her again, and her hands were in his hair, and snaking up his shirt, and he held her so reverently, and it was beautiful.

He let her go sooner than she would have liked, his lips swollen. He had that goofy look on his face, the one he had had after he had kissed her in the evidence lockup. She loved it, and she wanted to see it much more often.

“I really want to do this… I really want you. I just don’t want to take advantage of you or anything.” Jake murmured in her ear, and she pulled him closer to her. He was being more of an adult. “How about we go to that Polish place you like. Get some pancakes and hot chocolate and talk about it? Figure out exactly where we are. I mean, whatever it is, I like it,” he teased, “but I just want to be clear. So you’re comfortable and stuff.”

Amy grabbed his collar and kissed him gently one more time. “I would like that.”

Grinning, Jake grabbed his coat, and ever so gently, he took her hand and led her through the door to the bright future ahead of them.


End file.
